A Useless Way To Show You What Love Is
by Akatsuki-no-Hikari
Summary: KisaIta. SasoDei. KakuHidan. SasuNaru. AU. A little Christmas shopping for the Akatsuki ukes and Sasuke, in hopes of finding the perfect gift for their boyfriends, which will be given on Christmas Eve's evening. Enjoy


**WARNING!: YAOI/SHOUNEN-AI ALERT! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!**

A Useless Way To Show You My Feelings, For You Know I Love You

"Remind me again why I'm fucking doing this?" Hidan asked as he was dragged into a shopping mall by his friend Deidara, giving the building the dirtiest look he could manage to pull out. There were three reasons why he hated shopping malls: first thing first, he hated shopping; he had to act as a civilized heathen, meaning not that much swearing, not trying to convert people to Jashinism, nor threatening to sacrifice their bodies in the name of his religion; and the last one, he was forced to wear a shirt.

The blonde teen had been overwhelmed in anticipation for the entire week preceding their trip to the local mall. Since the albino would rarely wear any shirt, it meant that the younger of the two had to lend him one, which was the main reason of his excitement: he could choose whatever he wanted for the zealot to wear.

For this special, skimming unique occasion, HIdan was now dressed in a plain bleach-white t-shirt underneath his black leather jacket. It would have been fine, if his blue-eyed friend hadn't been three sizes thinner than him. He could feel his ribs through the fabric...

To match everything up, leather pants were covering his legs, a metal chain hanging loosely on his thigh, black and white sneakers in his feet. His rosary bounced on his chest at each step he took towards the building, unused to the muffled sensation of silver against cotton against skin.

Deidara, for his own, was almost skipping his way through the parking lot. He was wearing those tight skinny pants that were probably for chicks, a black and blue beanie on his loose hair, matching his only visible eye. A red belt was wrapped around his slim waist, the same colour as his shoes and many accessories on his wrists. A sleeveless, tight shirt was completing his outfit, fake onyx, crimson and azure graffiti printed on it.

_What a mismatched couple_ was without any doubt the first thing that came to people's mind once they saw the sulking male accompanied of a cheery blonde.

"Because you have to buy a present for Kakuzu, un!" replied the blue-eyed teen as the glass-doors slid before them, cheesy elevator music assaulting their pierced ears.

"But why in hell should I buy him a damn present? He'll just bitch at me 'cause I'm wasting **precious** money for some useless occasion! Precious my ass..."

"Useless occasion?!" Deidara cried out, staring in stupor at his silver-haired friend. "Christmas, un? A useless occasion?"

"Yes, that's what I fucking said. Buying presents on the Jashin-damn birthday of a heathen forsaken god sounds pretty useless to me. Especially since the gifts aren't for that motherfucker you like calling a **god**" he spat out, chuckling as mothers around him clapped their palms over their children's ears.

"You don't see the meaning behind Christmas presents, that's all, un" the blonde said, shaking his head from left to right in consternation. "Christmas is more a reunion with the people you like than a celebration to God. You give presents to your friends to show that you love them, un. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift: the action in its whole is enough for people to know that you care for them, un."

"Urgh, too much information at once, fucktard" the lavender-eyed mumbled, rubbing his temples. "You should try to teach your lovey-dovey lessons to emo-boy; I'm **sure** he will be so damn glad to listen to you rant about love and compassion. Talking about the fucker, he's over there" the pagan announced, pointing to the nearest dango stand.

There stood their friend Itachi, leaning against a wall. He had noticed them a few moments ago, but had made no move toward them: he simply waited for the pair to catch up. Draped in his usual black clothes, a dango stick poking out of his mouth, passers-by would have taken him for a statue if he hadn't been blinking every time or so.

He raised a delicate eyebrow when he saw the pyromaniac run to him, a wide grin painted on his face. He let out a heavy sigh and took a step forward, arms crossed over his chest in indifference. A quick glance to his right, and Deidara's smile disappeared completely.

Coming their way was a younger version of the raven, shorter hair and different style of clothing being what seemed to be the major distinction between the brothers. He had the same bored expression on his features, although they were more masculine than Itachi's. He reached the older representation of himself, who wasn't that much taller than him, and they both waited for the duo to meet them.

The blonde's eyebrows knit above his eyes, glaring daggers to the slightly shorter ebony-haired boy. "Itachi, un. Why did you bring **Mini-me** with you?"

"Don't call me that, dumbass!" Sasuke shouted, taking a provocative step forward.

"I don't recall talking to you, brat, un!"

"You're the one here who's acting like a brat, you blond whore!"

"Don't you fucking dare call him that again, dickhead!"

"Shut up. The three of you."

The three teenagers turned around to look at Itachi. He hadn't yell at them, barely talked loud enough to be heard over the turmoil they were causing, but they stopped arguing nonetheless. Sasuke let go of Deidara's long locks, who in return freed the obsidian-gazed male's earlobe he had almost ripped off his head with his teeth, Hidan releasing same male's collar, lowering his fist to his side.

"Good boys. Should we get going now? I haven't filled a ton of paperwork for my father to buy the oxygen I breath." He turned on his heels, hands buried into his pockets, walking away from the trio with his feline pace. The other Uchiha was the first one to follow him, the other two walking behind, plotting ways to get rid of the irritating kid.

They first stopped at the art shop and already Hidan and the sculptor had attempted to Sasuke's life three times. Deidara ran directly to the "wood and craft" alley, the rest of the group following suit.

"There it is, un!" he squealed, holding pieces of wood and cloth in his hands. "Danna's gonna **love** his present, I can swear!"

"You're giving him blocks of wood and tatters of fabric?" the younger raven asked sarcastically, erasing the artist's enthusiasm with a very few words.

"I'm not going to give him mere blocks of wood and tatters of fabric, un" the blonde answered, obvious hints of annoyance breaking through his deep voice. "I'm going to give Sasori-no-danna the materials that will allow him the ability of giving life to his art!"

A few seconds passed, the only noises coming from the customers rummaging through the shelves nearby attentively. Then "That's a stupid present."

"**Excuse-me**, un?".

"I-t'-s a s-t-u-p-i-d p-r-e-s-e-n-t" Sasuke repeated very slowly, splitting syllables, unaffected by the blue-eyed teen's death glare burning holes in his forehead. "Why buying him something he can get by himself, when you can give him that special thing that he won't find anywhere else, because it comes from you?"

Deidara stared at the items in his hands, then looked back at Itachi's baby brother, a confused frown on his handsome face. "...What are you getting for Naruto, un? What is that **special thing** you'll offer him, that he can't get on his own?"

"It's pretty simple when it comes to Naruto" Sasuke admitted, a crooked smile on his thin lips. "You see, there's only one other thing he likes besides me: ramen. So I'll go to the super store, buy ingredients and cook him some. And even if it isn't as good as the one he usually eats, he'll still like it, because I tried to please him by working hard on his present, instead of buying him some cheap-ass instant noodles."

There was a moment of silence when Itachi and Hidan feared that their blond friend would go into a murderous frenzy and kill the younger Uchiha for insulting his choice in present. Instead, Deidara gave the raven teen a thankful smile. "Thanks, I guess. Ya know, you're not that much of a pain in the butt, un. You can get yourself quite useful when you're willing to help, even if you're a total brat, un."

"You're the brat!"

"No, yo–"

"You say another word, assholes, and I fucking swear I'm sacrificing you to Jashin!" the pagan growled, his patience eroding quickly, fast enough to put in application his threat.

"He means it" Itachi warned, noticing the steam escaping the albino. "You two should learn to get along, before the zealot loses his temper."

Night and day nodded, gulping their anguish down their throats. Deidara reunited a few more articles and went to the cash, then leaved, the other males fast on his heels.

They switched from store to store, stopping there and then whenever they felt like it. They finally all got what they were looking for, and left the building around the end of the afternoon. The last thing they had to be preoccupied with now was to prepare Deidara's and Hidan's apartment, the only suitable place where the whole group could gather. It promised to be one party of an evening.

"Open mine first, danna, un!"

"No need to be so excited, brat."

"Told ya you were the brat."

"Fuck off Emo-boy!"

"Don't insult 'Tachi, Dei. You know he can get real pissy at times."

"Hn."

"He was fucking yelling at Sasuke, fish-face!"

"Calm down, Darlin'. You'll just prime World War III by acting like that."

"Sasuke, I don't feel so comfortable around here. Can't we spend Christmas at Ichiraku's instead?."

"Dobe, it's Christmas Eve. All stores are close, even your favourite ramen restaurant."

Everything was going just as planned in the tiny apartment: they had eaten dinner, Kakuzu had whined over the price of their take outs, they all had had a shot of sake (all excluded Sasuke and Naruto, who were still, unfortunately, underage), and were now sitting by the tall decorated tree, squeezed between bodies and cheap furniture.

Sasori picked a red wrapped present from underneath the branches, a golden bow on top of the box. He tore the colourful paper to pieces, eager to find out what his boyfriend had thoughts of giving him. He opened it to reveal a wooden version of his lover smiling at him. He took the puppet in his hands, examining it carefully.

"I don't know what to say, Dei... It's beautiful. I love it, almost as much as you" he added, capturing the sculptor'S lips with his. He didn't notice the cerulean eyed teenager wink to the younger Uchiha.

"Open mine, now" he said, handing a light box to Deidara, who was now sitting on his lap. The red head watched his expression closely as he unwrapped his present. He almost burst into laughter when the blonde's face passed from showing unbiddable eagerness to deep confusion.

"Eum, thanks danna, un" Deidara muttered, taking a wax candle out of the box, one of a set of eighteen.

Chuckling, the puppeteer stole the other artist's lighter from the back pocket of his tight jeans, and lit the candle Deidara had in hand. Sparkles erupted from the wick, a whole variety of colours and shapes escaping it. The pyromaniac had now his own personal fireworks with him at reach. "Oh danna... It's so... so... un."

"Just shut up and kiss him already!" Hidan ordered, pushing Deidara's back, making him fall on the puppet master's lips. "Okay, my turn now. I want my present, 'Kuzu."

Hearing his cue, the stitched teen reached for his pocket, bringing to sight a piece of paper, which he put in the Jashin follower's hand. It read "I'll go with you to one of your Jashinist assemblies."

"Damn you to hell, you cheap bastard, I love you!" Hidan cursed, glomping the green-eyed male hard enough to push them both to the ground. He kissed him on the lips, drawing all the air out of their lungs before putting an end to the heated embrace.

"Wow" Kakuzu breathed, still holding the albino close on his chest. "You never kissed me like that... Okay, when will I get my present, Darlin'?"

"Hell, you just had it. And it didn't cost me a damn penny. You should be fucking proud of me, shithead" Hidan answered, wiping his reddened lips, a cocky smirk hidden behind his hand. "Ya liked it?"

"I loved it. But I love you more." They kissed again, the others bragging about getting them into the albino's room before their passionate show went out of control.

In the mean time, Sasuke and Naruto exchanged gifts, making themselves as invisible as possible amongst the older teens, trading home made ramen for the biggest tomato plant they had both ever seen. They shared a quick kiss, and reported their attention on the raven's older brother and his friends.

"C'mon, Aniki, give him you present or else" Sasuke hurried, munching on one of the juicy tomatoes, wrapping an arm around the shy blonde's waist, slurping sounds coming from him as he ate his gift.

"Don't be so pushy, Otouto. We were getting to that'" Itachi purred, fishing into his boyfriend's hands where a small rectangular-shaped box lied. He took hold of it, some mischievous smirk on his lips, his coal-coloured eyes glimmering playfully. "But I want mine first."

"That's not something you see everyday, un" Deidara joked through his teeth. "Itachi showing emotions. The world must be at its end, un."

"Or maybe you are" the older Uchiha replied, turning the box upside down to get a hint of what was inside. He shook it close to his ear, metal clinging dimmed by the cardboard. Giving up, he unwrapped it carefully, slowly, playing with everybody's nerves on purpose.

An astonished silence filled the room as the weasel held into the light a fine assemblage of silvery beads on a chain of the same material. "Lemme help" Kisame murmured, locking the necklace's closure behind Itachi's neck. He grabbed the lithe teenager by the waist, laying him on his lap, keeping him in a tight hug.

The ebony-haired male leaned his back against the shark look-alike's chest, bandaged fingers grazing the delicately crafted beads. "You made it yourself, didn't you? That's why your hands are so rough lately" he asked, his head resting on Kisame's shoulder.

"You read me too well, love" he said in the obscure locks, tightening his grip on the older Uchiha.

"'Thought so. Here's your present" he added with a victorious smirk, giving Kisame the last present lying under the green bough.

The small package revealed a handsewn stuffed animal, a black-furred weasel with blood-red eyes. A loud "aww" brimmed up the apartment, painting a peach-blossom pink on Itachi's cheeks. "You're always sulking when I can't stay over for the night. You'll cuddle it instead. But I'm warning you: don't expect it to return the favour, nor for it to be replaceable. I am **not** sewing anything ever again" the raven declared, raising his bandaged fingers to his boyfriend's lips, who kissed the healing wounds one by one.

"Hey, that thing needs a Jashin-damn name, right?" Hidan asked from Kakuzu's chest.

"Yeah, I guess so" Kisame answered, holding the two weasel in his arms.

"Oh, I know, un!" Deidara nearly shouted, an imaginary lightbulb above his head. "Call it Mini-me!"

~Owari~

* * *

**_WARNING!: YAOI/SHOUNEN-AI ALERT! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!  
_  
DISCLAIMER: Urgh... disclaimers again... you know already what I'm about to say, so why bother saying it?**

**First time _ever _writing something with Naruto in it. Things like that always make me wonder why the show is about him...**

Christmas for Naruto and Sasuke, and the Akatsuki, minus Pein ('cause he's still filling up paperwork), Konan (she's too busy handing Pein his Advils and new paperwork), Zetsu (is waaaay to amused by Pein being upset about his mountain of paperwork) and Tobi (because Pein determined he was too much of an annoyance and therefore, couldn't be put into the fic until he filled his share of paperwork too).  
P.S. Paperwork is a funny word XD

**Don't forget to review ^^  
**


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